His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
