shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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