i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize