How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
