so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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