lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
