He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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