My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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