I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
