dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
