So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
