So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
His nipple licking is glorious
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