just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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