1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
