you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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