remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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