I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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