our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
