I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
