All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
