There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
