NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize