I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
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I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize