I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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