She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
