you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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