Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
