Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
