yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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