We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
