im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
