ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
