I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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