Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
