the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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