I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
