I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
