I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
