yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have demons in me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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