I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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