I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
