No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
