I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
