Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
