my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Alive.
So much puke
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
