so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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