Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I die, sorry about rent.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
