You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Im part way to drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
