Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
