I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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