he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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