oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
