So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
