He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
