physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
