I smell stomach acid.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
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They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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