Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My dad is sitting where you rode me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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