need another drink. this is the easiest way
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
