just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
