k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
