I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
