After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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