I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
