Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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