My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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