Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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