Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
