I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
