I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
