Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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