I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
