I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
