**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
