if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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