i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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