How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
