I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
