did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
