she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
