hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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