Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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