eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
