soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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